A letter to the love I haven’t found yet – By Jess

Hey, you.

Yes, you. You who doesn’t even exist in my reality yet. Funny because right now, in 2019, the word “YOU” is synonymous to this god-awful Netflix show about obsession and stalking and killing. To be honest I don’t know why people are into it. I find it boring and pretentious and the acting is so bad. Anyway, that’s not really the point. Let’s just be clear that the you I’m talking about is you – person I haven’t yet met.

I’ve been contemplating on writing you a letter since early this morning when I was supposed to be focused at a task at work. But I didn’t because I legit have SO MUCH to do at work it’s ridiculous. It’s now 6:05 pm and I’m writing a blog about social media but then Michael Buble’s “I Just Haven’t Met You Yet” came on and I took that as a sign to write to you. You, the one I haven’t met just yet. Do you believe in signs? I do. I believe in synchronicity and serendipity.

Look, I’m a hopeless romantic. Probably emphasis on thehopelessbit. I believe in love and the fact that exists. I see it all the time. I hear about it. I go on wedding websites sometimes (well, it used to be my Valentine’s Day tradition. To celebrate strangers romantic love until I can finally feel it for myself) and just watch wedding videos of strangers. I may shed a tear or two when it’s especially beautiful. I listen to love songs and have my own playlist on Spotify dedicated just for it. I love a good Romantic Comedy whether that’s in film, books, or TV. I genuinely love love and I love watching love happen to the people around me (Say love one more time, Jess. Love.). But there is a part of me who, no matter how hard I try to suppress it, doesn’t believe it could happen to someone like me. 27 and never been in love or never have had a romantic relationship. Sure, I’ve come to close to something that might resemble it, but most of the romantic love experience I’ve had in my life has been nothing but unrequited.

Some days I’m totally convinced that I’m just one of those people who is not meant to find and experience it. The one who’s just happy seeing other love and be love. I feel like maybe I’m guarded and I keep my distance from it because I no longer want to get my hopes up. And on my more melodramatic days, I drop to my knees and question the universe why. Why me? Poor, old me. What is wrong with me? I’m a nice person. I love my family and I do everything for the people I love. I’m funny and have some nice qualities. Is it because my ‘look’ is not what’s considered beautiful in society? Am I not worthy of this thing I oh so desperately dream about? Wow, so we got a little deep there for a second. I’m not really this dramatic. Sometimes. Oh, well, I have my moments.

Sorry, where were we again? I’m getting a little sidetracked. I’ve been on a mission to listen to songs with the word ‘Crush’ in it and right now I’m on to that Mandy Moore song.

Right, love. I sometimes don’t completely believe it’s going to happen to me in this lifetime but I’m hopeful at the same time. It’s the strangest, most contradictory feeling ever. I know I’m a catch and that anyone who wants to be with me will be very lucky but then I don’t know you yet and most days I doubt I ever would. Like I said, strange.

So what now? What do I do in the meantime while waiting for you? Quite frankly – and excuse my bluntness here – I’m used to life without you. And I’m okay with that most of the time. Contrary to popular belief that single people are constantly yearning to be in a relationship and find someone that would complete them, that really isn’t the case. I’m already complete. I live a full life and it’s amazing. I have family and friends that love me, I get to do some pretty cool things, chase my dreams and my full potential. Life is good and I’m not prepared to settle for anything less than.  I don’t care that this may be perceived as having unrealistic standards. It’s not unrealistic to be treated the way you deserve, to want something amazing. No, I expect the best from you because you are getting the best from me.

Until then I’ll just keep wondering about you. What you’re doing right now, what are you afraid of, which dreams of yours are you currently chasing. But while I’m doing that, I hope you know that I’m living my best life too.  To the fullest of my abilities, reaching my potential and doing what I love and celebrating love. I’m okay, really. I want your life to be full and amazing because my life is full and amazing.

But right now I am running late for a party. I’m wearing my prettiest white dress that makes me feel absolutely amazing. I even did my make-up today and went full red on the lips and eyes. I’m off to a soiree one of my friend’s is throwing for Valentine’s Day and it’s going to be magical and I can’t wait for tonight! I hope you’ve got something nice planned for yourself today, whether or not it’s something you really celebrate, whether you’re alone or with someone right now. Take care of yourself. Go chase your grandest, wildest dreams. And maybe one day when the time is right, when all the stars align, when it’s meant to be, maybe we’ll share these stories with each other in our reality.